Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6.

We have often quoted this verse many times when it comes to raising our kids. In our circles it is most familiar in our children’s programs where we teach God’s Word and assume that our efforts will be rewarded when the kids get old. It confuses us when our adult kids, having grown up in that culture, leave the faith and decide to abandon Christ for a self-directed life. It raises the question, did this verse really work or did we miss something?

Proverbs 22:1-12 gives a clear context on how we ought to think about this text. I want to briefly share that context to help think through what this verse promises and what it does not promise. The key thought is what we teach our kids needs to be looked at from the end result. In other words, if we reverse engineer what we want our kids to value and embrace when they are twenty-five years old, we ought to be very intentional about what we do now. I will share a few of the principles that come from the context of these verses:

1. A good name is better than great riches (22:1). The idea is parents need to teach that personal integrity needs to be of greater value than riches. That pushes hard against the entrepreneurial spirit of our culture to make my fortune and retire before age forty, but we have to find ways to teach character in contrast to the temptation of riches. Character and personal integrity need to be taught that they are more important than pursuing riches.
2. The value of every human being (22:2). The rich and poor are all created in God’s image. One person’s value is not determined by how much they have or do not have. We need to teach our kids that our accomplishments do not make us more important than those who do not have as much.
3. The need for morality (22:3). Morality is not “everything”, but it is important. Even unbelievers have a moral code, it is simply not built on the truth of God’s Word. Our kids need to have some objective standard of morality that is anchored in their relationship with God, not the culture or their own feelings. They need to learn how to discern and avoid evil (22:3). Of course, parents need to commit and model the morality they teach their kids. As kids get older, the contradiction of “do what I say, not what I do” is a train-wreck waiting to happen.
4. Humility and fear of the Lord is the riches of life (22:4-5). We do not want our kids to get snared by remaining ignorant and naïve. I propose to you this is just one of several values that parents need to focus on. We often are tempted to “Christianize” this verse a little too much. The issue is not that our kids “come to know Jesus” and then the parent’s job is done. Unfortunately, many Christian parents see their kids “get saved” but the values they continue to teach are not the ones listed above. Parents often teach values that are driven more by the culture than Christ. It is not that some of these other values are bad, but if we neglect the ones stated above (and there are more) then we miss key biblical values that need to anchor our kids.

There are more principles to discuss. Maybe next week I will supplement this with part two of raising our kids. There is a great need to have proactive parents teaching their kids the values that God’s Word encourages us to infuse into their lives and who are unwilling to allow the public arena to have the final authority of what values to teach their kids. Parents need to be active, at home, and they need to do it together.

Ephesians 6:1 tells us, “children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Obviously, God designed parenting to be a two-person job. Ideally, kids need both parents and both parents need to be on the same page. This text does not say, obey your dad because he is the head of the home. It does not say, obey your mom (rather than your dad) because she has done more research. It is vital that kids obey both. Obviously if you are a single parent there is not much you can do to cover both and you do the very best you can. In my thinking, this is the beauty of the church family where others can come in and compliment your commitment to raise your kids by being surrogates who stand in the gap.

All in all, parenting is a challenge, but it is worth it. Parenting is not about giving our kids every possible experience they can get their hands on. Parenting is more about building into our kids, regardless of their circumstances, those values they will embrace and model when they get to be adults.

Pastor Brad.