Like one who takes a dog by the ears is he who passes by and meddles with strife not belonging to him. Like a madman who throws Firebrands, arrows and death, so is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, “Was I not joking?” (Proverbs 26:17-19 NAS)

Have you ever pulled this stunt? You make a sarcastic statement that is borderline condescending but you think it is funny. Then, once you have “shared your brilliance” with the group you suddenly notice you are not getting the comedic laugh you expected; in fact, you are getting a very different response from those around you. They frown a bit and get this strange puzzled look on their face as if to say, “Really, you really had to say that?” or “You’re kidding right?” Suddenly you pull back and out of embarrassment you blurt out some rhetorical glib wondering why people have a hard time taking a joke.

The same thing can happen when you literally make fun of people, embarrass them, say something that is condescending or really stupid to make yourself look better than the people around you. Not everyone has this tendency, but we may all have done it or experienced it from someone else. It can happen unintentionally because we are simply trying to be funny, but it backfires on us. People often extend a little grace for ignorance, but it can also be done on purpose out of some need to impress others with our wit and creative genius by putting others down and making them feel stupid.

What an amazing statement here in Proverbs 26:17-19, where it nails this problem right on the head. A person says something that deceives people around them and, when they discover that they are really hurting others, they protect themselves rather than apologize. The way they cover for their embarrassment is by simply saying, “I was only joking”. I have, unfortunately, done this by thinking I can take a situation and making fun of someone by pointing out their failure. Let me assure you that rarely is it genuinely funny. It is always a bad move and very risky. Unfortunately, the only way to try and save “me” was to say, “I was only joking”. I have seen some people, once they have embarrassed themselves by saying (usually) something hurtful, actually get more condescending and start attacking the people around them when they get challenged on their comments. They have no courage to simply apologize or say they are sorry or admit they spoke out of turn. They just keep plowing forward no matter what the consequences. It’s like watching a bull in a china shop destroying everything in its path.

The Lawyer

In one of the churches I pastored we had a lawyer who would often stand up in business meetings and spout off in a very “lawyer” way and had no problem “making his argument” no matter how much he hurt or embarrassed people in the group. He would always claim that nothing was personal and he was only stating facts, but at some point we stopped believing him. One of the times that he pulled this stunt he offended almost everyone in the group. We challenged him on it; sent person after person to talk with him appealing his need to apologize to the group, but he refused. I talked to him several times and made the case that even if it was accidental, he hurt people and the biblical responsibility was to restore relationships and apologize to them. His response is that he never hurt anyone and that the problem was with everyone else. His son, who was on our Elder board, said his dad had never apologized to anyone about anything in his entire life, so we should not get our hopes up. Unfortunately, this lawyer was more concerned about being right (in his own mind) rather than be in relationship with the family of God, and ended up leaving the church to go camp somewhere else.

I am often reminded that in our culture being sarcastic and “telling it like it is” is considered humorous or even a mark of brilliance or mental acuity. Being witty, smart, thinking on your feet, and quick with a retort may have its bragging rights. But there are many who have taken the idea of deceiving others and then getting themselves off the hook by suggesting it was only a joke they have mastered the ability to hurt people, and think they get away with it. They have mastered the ability to create strife at everyone else’s expense. They don’t even get the fact that they are causing a wake of collateral damage under the guise that they are (always) just joking…. Not funny at all.

Be careful how you speak to others.

Sincerely,

Pastor Brad